Friday, March 27, 2009

the quintessential hipster

i finally got to puting van halen into my itunes library. i miss listening to eddie's rapidly fast licks and diamond daves crazy antics (and i guess hargars raspy voice... as you can see im not a fan of hagar...). i'm going out on a limb in saying that van halen is one of my favorite classic "heavy metal" bands. scratch that, it IS my favorite.

thinking about it a bit, there was an unfortunate following of fans who werent really into the music but put up a front. this, i believe was the hipster before the hipster- or maybe hypebeast before the hypebeast. its interesting- there had to be people like that in generations before us.

(interruption: ti has been sentenced to one year and one day of prison. good for him. sucks that he has to go to prison, but good for him the judges praised his community service work.)

well, what qualifies as a hipster? according to the hipster handbook by Robert Lanham:  1. You graduated from a liberal arts school whose football team hasn't won a game since the Reagan administration. 2. You frequently use the term "post-modern" (or its commonly used variation "PoMo") as an adjective, noun, and verb.3. You carry a shoulder-strap messenger bag and have at one time or another worn a pair of horn-rimmed or Elvis Costello-style glasses.4. You have one Republican friend who you always describe as being your "one Republican friend."5. Your hair looks best unwashed and you position your head on your pillow at night in a way that will really maximize your cowlicks.6. You own records put out by Matador, DFA, Definitive Jux, Dischord, Warp, Thrill Jockey, Smells Like Records, and Drag City.

now take a look at these diagrams:

hypebeast Pictures, Images and Photos

now these are just some regulations- and im sure some clues are geographic and there are different types of hipsters out there. ive seen it first hand: in the bay area hypebeast and hipster fuse together in a flurry of ways. rare sneakers, vans, tight jeans, ironic scarves...blah blah blah. in chico, ive seen kids with fixed gears, jonas brothers type style, jackie o sunglasses. hell, im subject to this. chico state doesnt have a football team, and had a crazy arts program. i do own rayban wayfarers (but the legit 80's wayfarer IIs which are noticeably bigger). i do have a fixed gear bicycle. i have a sh*tload of sneakers. am i a hipster?

well technically, im going to say that i am. because real hipsters will say proudly: "no, i am not a hipster." its just like hypebeastisms. if you dont say youre a hypebeast, you most definately might be. and quite frankly, i dont care. im set apart by my actions- i ride my bike with passion and utility, i listen to metal (whatever metal it may be), my rare sneakers are beat, i do not own shutter shades, and i think colored denim is stupid, i have skinny jeans because theyre comfy to me and they dont get caught up in my chain, i keep my wayfares on lock because it was passed down to me (i would never wear them in public), my bike is built like a rat rod: uncomfortable, raw, and cool looking, but FAST AS BALLS.

im over it. im hungry as balls.

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